How to Deal with Friend Breakups

Written By: Girl Tyler

No one ever thinks of their friendships in the past tense. You’re always picturing the amazing journey ahead of you and planning out every detail with the people who will be along for the ride. Never in a million years would you believe that your day one’s wouldn’t make it to the final destination by your side. Unfortunately, life has a not-so-funny way of shaking up our foundation when it comes to failed friendships.

Friendship breakups can hurt worse than splitting from a romantic relationship. The person who knows everything about you, dirty laundry included, has become an invisible figure. You can’t help but mourn them, even though they’re only one message away. So how did you two get here? People change as do their interests, goals, and friend circles. When a person chooses to walk away from you, be confident in knowing that you were perfectly whole as you are, but the other person just wanted something different. It is okay to want something different.

If you’re someone who has a pattern of falling out with friends or acting as the epicenter of messy social  situations – acknowledge your responsibility. Disagreements among friends will happen. How they’re settled reveals how the other person feels about you. Someone who genuinely cares about you would never belittle you or speak negatively behind your back. Never stick around in a friendship that makes you feel bad about who you are or forces you to compromise your morals. Toxic friendships will never sustain you. Know the difference between a friend and a frenemy. Cut those ties ASAP.

Friendships end for a variety of reasons: petty differences, betrayal, interference from negative influences, jealousy, misunderstandings, and the list goes on. You’ll lose friends when you’re younger and as you grow older. The good news is, you’ll bounce back. Learning how to  deal with it now will soften the blow in the future.There are times when friendships need a breather. Just because the two of you had a falling out now, it doesn’t mean you won’t return to each other later in life when you’re more mature or at different stages. The beautiful part is that you’ll reconnect with new attitudes and fresh perspectives on what went wrong the first go-round. What’s meant to be will always find its way.

Do some self-reflecting. What could you have done differently? Is this friendship worth saving? Don’t point fingers and play the blame game. Journal about it. Seek advice from your parents, a school counselor, or a mentor. They’ll be able to provide an unbiased opinion on how to best  salvage the friendship, assuming there is a window of opportunity to do so. Most importantly: heal first before trying to repair the friendship. You’ll never be a good friend to others if you’re not good to yourself. Fostering negative emotions toward ex-besties will leave you feeling rotten to your core. Move forward with a clear head and a clear heart.

The people who you have loved since you spoke your first words or that you met during your first day of school, may or may not stick around for your life’s journey. There’s no crystal ball to predict the future of your friendships. The only thing you can control is how you respond, so choose to learn and be a better person. Focus on the people who are still in your life and work toward strengthening those bonds. Your true tribe is unbreakable.